This is what Bollywood actress Jiah Khan wrote
to her boyfriend , Suraj Pancholi hours before
committing suicide last week.
“ I don’t know how to say this to you but I might
as well now as I have nothing to lose. I’ve
already lost everything. If you’re reading this I
might have already left or about to leave. I am
broken inside. You may not have known this but
you affected me deeply to a point where I lost
myself in loving you. Yet you tortured me
everyday. These days I see no light I wake up
not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw
my life with you, a future with you. But you
shattered my dreams. I feel dead inside. I’ve
never given so much of myself to someone or
cared so much. You returned my love with
cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many
gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you.
I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave
myself completely the pain you have caused me
everyday has destroyed every bit of me, destroyed
my soul. I can’t eat or sleep or think or function.
I am running away from everything. The career is
not even worth it anymore. When I first met you I
was driven, ambitious and disciplined. Then I fell
for you, a love I thought would bring out the best
in me. I don’t know why destiny brought us
together. After all the pain, the rape, the abuse,
the torture I have seen previously I didn’t
deserve this. I didn’t see any love or commitment
from you. I just became increasingly scared that
you would hurt me mentally or physically. Your
life was about partying and women. Mine was
you and my work. If I stay here I will crave you
and miss you. So I am kissing my 10-year career
and dreams goodbye. I never told you but I
received a message about you. About you
cheating on me. I chose to ignore it, decided to
trust you. You embarrassed me. I never went out,
I never went with anyone else. I am a loyal
person. I never met anyone with Karthik I just
wanted you to feel how you make me feel
constantly. No other woman will give you as
much as I did or love you as much as I did. I can
write that in my blood. Things were looking up
for me here, but is it worth it when you
constantly feel the pain of heartbreak when the
person you love wants to abuse you or threatens
o hit you or cheats on you telling other girls they
are beautiful or throws you out of their house
when you have no where to go and you’ve come
to them out of love or when they lie to your face
or they make you chase after them in their car.
Or disrespects their family. You never even met
my sister. I bought your sister presents. You tore
my soul. I have no reason to breathe anymore.
All I wanted was love. I did everything for you. I
was working for us. But you were never my
partner. My future is destroyed my happiness
snatched away from me. I always wished the
best for you, was ready to invest what little
money I had in your betterment. You never
appreciated my love, Kicked me in the face. I
have no confidence or self esteem left, whatever
talent whatever ambition you took it all away.
You destroyed my life. It hurt me so much that I
waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother
buying me something. The Goa trip was my
birthday present but even after you cheated I still
spent on you. I aborted our baby when it hurt me
deeply. You destroyed my Christmas and my
birthday dinner when I came back. When I tried
my hardest to make your birthday special. You
chose to be away from me on Valentines Day.
You promised me once we made it to one year
we would get engaged. All you want in life is
partying, your women and your selfish motives.
All I wanted was you and my happiness you took
both away from me. I spent money on you
selflessly you would throw in my face. When I
would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world
to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like
I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt f our
success. I leave this place with nothing but
broken dreams and empty promises. All I want
now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I
am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even
while with you. You made me feel alone and
vulnerable. I am so much more than this”
Yours truly
Rabiya khan
Her mother found the letter in her wallet while
searching for poems written by her.
The actress allegedly hung herself at her home in
Mumbai, India last week.
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